Memorable letters to Santa...

deer santa:
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.
Yer Frend, BiLLy

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I give you a book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
Santa

Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa

Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Play station, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drumkit, a pony and a tuba.
Love, Francis

Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I’m giving you a doll instead.
Santa

Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake?
Love, Jessica

Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.
Santa

Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?
Timmy

Timmy,
That whiney begging may work with your folks, but it doesn't work with me. You're getting an ugly sweater again.
Santa

Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love, Marky

Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your butt kicked at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do --through your bedroom window.
  Sweet dreams, Santa